BAD321... it's good for you!

This whole train of thought started off a bit differently one evening while having dinner recently with some British, Canadian and American colleagues. The discussion turned to contemporary grammar and how educators and business leaders have been alarmed about how badly Americans are butchering their language. One British woman chimed in quickly about how she was having the same problem finding people with basic vocabulary skills in the workplace, and even commented that her own university-bound daughter "practiced horrid grammar and punctuation skills.
 
I had quipped that maybe someone needed to try and devise some simple grammatical rules of thumb as guides for basic grammar and punctuation. I was quickly asked by one of our party if I knew what the term "rule of thumb" actually meant, and the question made me think for a moment. It was a term that many of us use frequently, and I was just momentarily stunned to come up with a good definition for the term other than a simplified version of more complex rules. Most of the others present agreed.
 
We were then quietly informed by one of the women that the phrase originally came from an English law stating that a man could not beat his wife with a stick any thicker than his thumb.
 
As one might guess, out came two notebook computers and a couple of cell phones with Web access, and within seconds references were found. A Wikipedia reference noted that the "rule of thumb" was a law that had been partially discredited. Illegal in the UK since the 1700s, and not sanctioned in the US, some legal authorities up to 1897 had referred to the bogus law in spite of the fact that it didn't exist. This non-law became popular in 1976 after noted feminist Del Martin wrote:

Our law, based upon the old English common-law doctrines, explicitly permitted wife-beating for correctional purposes. However . . . the common-law doctrine had been modified to allow the husband 'the right to whip his wife, provided that he used a switch no bigger than his thumb'--a rule of thumb, so to speak.

Wikipedia noted that it is an urban myth... but I became curious.
 
Subsequent digging the following day resulted in the discovery that in 1782, British Judge Sir Francis Buller had indeed made the unfortunate assertion that a husband could thrash his wife with impunity provided that the stick was no bigger than his thumb. This led caricaturist James Gillray to publish a satirical cartoon attacking Buller and caricaturing him as 'Judge Thumb.' The cartoon shows Buller carrying two bundles of sticks and the caption reads "thumbsticks - for family correction: warranted lawful!"

So maybe there was at least some partial truth in the origins of the contemporary version of the phrase rule of thumb, though the expression has been recorded since 1692 and probably wasn’t new then. So maybe we could call it Judge Buller's legal interpretation of what he perceived to be English common law.
 
As far as rules of thumb for good grammar or punctuation goes, there are few. Begin sentences with a capital letter and end with a punctuation mark. A proper sentence should have a subject and predicate. Using proper spelling is not just good communication, it's also being respectful of your reader. For those that have problems with spelling, you might want to bookmark this excellent online free spellchecker. And Dumbtionary.com offers an online dictionary of misspelled words.
 
We've all heard of the I before E except after C Rule, but being aware of the exceptions is equally important. Worth checking is Grammar and Punctuation Rules, one of the most concise that I've found online. And Steve Schneider's excellent column Grammar for dog days will give you some excellent and often humorous food for thought.

So if you have any grammatical rules of thumb to add, please do feel free to comment and share them with all here. 
 

This is the World's 2nd Broken iPhone. It's not the first one, because that honor belongs to none other than than one Mitchell Smith, who had the dubious honor of being the world's first recorded iPhone casualty, just a mere 24 hours into his iPhone experience. According to reports, Mr. Smith took his new iPhone back to his his local Apple Store, where the sympathetic personnel replaced his iPhone for free, even though he admitted that the incident was 100% his fault.

No, the honor of having the world's second broken iPhone belongs to a friend, a woman who has to be the first to have everything new, especially if it's the latest designer offering or high-tech toy, and she was so happy to have been one of the first in her area to get one of these hard-to-get new phones. She had stood in line overnight, so strong was her desire to get one. She was determined to get it: she just had to have it.

And she did get it, then proceeded to call all of her friends, including me about it. We were scheduled to spend some time together for dinner and an extended visit in a couple of evenings, so I told her to just bring it and show it to me then.

In the meantime, a number of things happened, including her getting pulled over by the police for using the phone while driving her new designer SUV in traffic. The officer was completely unsympathetic to her excitement about the new phone, and despite her entreaties to show him all of the features, she received a ticket. She accepted it and drove off, but was then on the phone again while she was driving, just to call and tell me about what had happened.

But the phone was still working, at least until lunch, when she went into the restroom at a very upscale and hip local restaurant. She was using the facilities for its primary intended function when she received a return call from one of her girlfriends. According to what I understand, she had finished what she came there for and was was trying to pull her new designer panties up (don't ask) when the phone slipped out of her hand and fell right into the toilet bowl.



She related to me that she was stunned for a moment, and even though she's probably never had her hand inside of a toilet bowl to clean one, she plunged her hand into the bowl to retrieve it. She didn't know what to do with it except to wrap it in toilet paper, so she set it down on the toilet bowl rim to finish pulling up her designer panties and get some paper. And as luck would have it, just as she went to pick up the wet phone and wrap it in the tissue, it slipped and fell into the bowl again.

And for a second time, in went her hand to recover it, which she did, and this time she was successful. She related that the doubly-dampened iPhone was emitting some "little twittering noises" as she quickly wrapped it in the toilet tissue, and that in her haste to do so, that she neglected to try and turn it off.

Our later visit was not for dinner and an evening together, but just time enough for a quick cup of coffee and for her to relate this tale of woe to me, but without the dampened iPhone in hand. It was left to dry out at her home. She was pretty flustered from the experience, and was still trying to figure out how to explain all of this to the people at the iPhone store. Needless to say that her initial enthusiasm over her iPhone has been somewhat dampened, if you can pardon the expression.

But there you have it, the tale of the world's second broken iPhone. I'm not giving out her geographic location as this has yet to be resolved. Don't know yet if the kind folks at Apple will find it in their hearts to give her a replacement iPhone, but it will be interesting to see if they do, and if they can keep a straight face in the process.


And thanks to Lexidiem for assistance in putting this together when I was having problems with it.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But 100 years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men - yes, black men as well as white men - would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice. We have also come to his hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hoped that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for whites only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification - one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!"

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that;

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi - from every mountainside.
Let freedom ring.

And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children - black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

"Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Speech delivered at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington, DC, on August 28, 1963.

Dedicated to Paxgitmo... because she cares.

 To All Our Buzznet Friends...

Express it any way you wish...



and celebrate in your own fashion!


Chinese (Cantonese)
Sun nien fai lok

Chinese (Mandarin)
Xin nian yu kuai

Danish
Godt Nytår

Dutch
Gelukkig nieuwjaar

Farsi
Aide shoma mobarak

French
Bonne année

Gaelic
Aith-bhliain Fe Nhaise Dhuit

German
Gutes Neues Jahr

Hawaiian
Hauoli Makahiki Hou

Hebrew
Shanah tovah

Hmong
Nyob zoo xyoo tshiab

Indonesian
elamat Tahun Baru

Italian
Buon Capo d'Anno

Japanese
Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu

Norwegian
Godt Nyttår

Pilipino (Tagalog)
Maligayang Bagong Taon

Polish
Szczesliwego Nowego roku

Portuguese
Feliz ano novo

Romanian
La Multi Ani

Russian
S Novym Godom

Spanish
Feliz Año Nuevo

Sudanese
Wilujeng Tahun Baru

Swedish
Gott Nytt År

Turkish
Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun

Welsh
Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

Express it any way you wish, and celebrate in your own fashion!

Happy 2007!

Don't want to sound like a Halloween Grinch, but what was one a truly fun event for adults and kids alike has turned into a true cash-cow for retailers. More on Cash Cows in a moment.

Spent the early part of Halloween evening helping a friend with trick or treat activities. She had sent her daughter out with other kids, but was intent on handing out candy as long as kids were coming by. I was supposed to have my camera, but left it at home, so we had to rely on her disposables. Sorry, no real pics 'til later. And pardon the photos here. Had to pull them off of the 'Net to illustrate, as she hasn't processed the film yet.

There had to be over a hundred kids stop by, and this year there were some completely insane store-bought costumes, to say the least, some very sexy ones, perhaps inappropriate considering the ages of some of the people, and some were really over the top.  

For example, we saw two people dressed as trash cans this year one was an obviously very uncomfortable cardboard rig that had been spray painted with aluminum paint, and the child wearing this looked miserable. The other was an easy-going trash can, a commercial costume worn by a girl in her mid-teens It was puzzling why this trash can not green, brown or silver, like the real ones. So I asked the girl about it, and she looked at me like I was totally stupid, then announced, "I'm white trash!"

There was a walking Big Mac, and a walking container of McDonald’s French Fries, both commercial costumes. There were at least five teenage boys in drag, so to speak, and acting up in their own versions of what they thought drag queens should look like. The obligatory ghosts, ghouls, skeletons and zombies were all there, though there wasn't a single vampire in sight. There were a few pirates scattered in, a couple of farmers and at least three NASCAR drivers. 

There were a few very cute young girls dressed in fairy costumes, but one fairy girl, a young teenager, had wings that were truly massive. They had to be close to six feet across, and the girl had to be under five feet tall. Lucky for her that the wind wasn't bad. 

But perhaps the strangest costume of the evening was a lad who showed up with a large milk carton on his head. On the side of the carton was the typical "missing" imprint found on many milk cartons and with a hole cut out for the face. I didn't bother asking him about being missing as it was getting towards the end of trick or treat time, and figured that he had been hammered with that question all evening.  

Back to the cash-cows mentioned earlier, there was one very witty costume that a girl in her early teens was wearing. She had taken an older home-made black and white cow costume that she said she had recycled from her older brother and sewn green dollar symbols on it... the Cash Cow. Was so impressed with her resourcefulness and wit that I dumped about half the bowl of candy into her bag and pulled a five dollar bill out of my pocket and handed it to her. She was obviously quite pleased.

The sitter showed up at about nine and my friend's daughter returned with a huge bag of candy, which was promptly confiscated by her mother and put away until it could be checked. She got dressed in a very sexy costume (photos later). We left and proceeded to our function for the evening, but that's another story for another time. Maybe.

Top Ten Worst Ways to Get Candy While Trick or Treating

10. Say "Can we see what candy you've got first?"
9. Ask "Hi! I've really got to go - can I come in and pee?"
8. Say "Give me all you got and nobody will get hurt!"
7. Say "Um, our kid is home sick, can he have some candy?"
6. Ask “Got anything with razorblades or arsenic in it?"
5. Dressing up like Richard from Survivor, or Mark Foley.
4. Ask "Got any high fiber candy?"
3. Breast-feeding your baby standing behind your other little ones.
2. Flirting with hot mommas while your child Trick or Treats.
1. Any event whatsoever involving poop, a paper bag, and a lighter.

The above was received in an e-mail. Until next year. And yes, I really do enjoy it! 

Don't like it, don't fit in it, don't use it? Just re-gift it!

The holiday season is fast approaching. With it comes celebrations and gift giving among family, friends and co-workers... and possibly a good amount of re-gifting. Not familiar with the term re-gifting? Simply put, it's taking a gift someone has given you, wrapping it up, and giving it to someone else.

More than half of Americans admit to re-gifting and they plan to re-gift in the future, according to a survey conducted by Harris Interactive.

The survey found that re-gifters are often repeat offenders. Of those who have re-gifted, 93 percent have done so more than one time, and 40 percent indicated having done so at least four times.

Seventy-eight percent of respondents said that re-gifting some or most of the time is acceptable.

What do the etiquette experts say?

"Re-gifting is a hotly debated issue and should only be done rarely and under specific criteria, such as if you're certain the gift is something the recipient would enjoy," says Peggy Post, etiquette expert and author of Excuse Me, But I Was Next. "However, if you're in doubt, then don't re-gift. Only you can decide whether to re-gift and how to do it appropriately, so think through each situation carefully."

Respondents who have re-gifted give several different explanations for the practice.

• They felt the item was perfect for the new recipient (77 percent).
  
• They felt comfortable giving a re-gift they received but didn't want (69 percent).
  
• They didn't have enough money to buy a gift (30 percent).
  
• They were too lazy to buy a new gift (9 percent).
  
• They were motivated by dislike for the recipient (4 percent).